You KNOW I’d love to come and see you gig but...
You know how it goes. You phone your mates (or mate, in Paul’s case) and tell them you’re playing tonight. After a short embarrassed silence, out comes the excuse for why they can’t possibly make it... Here are a few of our favourites:
...if only you’d phoned me last night!! I’ve just arranged to go and watch a good band...
...I’m plucking my nasal hair tonight.
...Eastenders is on and it’s the wedding.
...The dog’s just eaten my car keys.
...I hate you, you bastard.
...My grandmother’s died again... (some friends have been known to have over 50 grandparents, all of whom died suddenly, under mysterious circumstances)
...Errr... Fuck off, you tosser.
...I’m watching my teeth grow tonight.
...I’m having the washing machine replumbed.
...I’d rather push my genitals through a bacon slicer.
...I’m taking the kids to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
...At the third beep it will be exactly 6:15 and 30 seconds.
...I’m having my groin waxed instead.
...I’m vacuuming the cat tonight.
...Look, I told you never to phone me again after what you tried to do to me, you pervert...
...Errr..... Hello, Samaritans, can I help you?
...It’s a full moon tonight and I have this embarrassing personal hair problem.
...The budgie’s just given birth.
...It’s my turn to change Auntie Betty’s incontinence pads.
...The house burned down today and all that’s left is the telephone.
...I’m having sex with Kylie Minogue.
...My ear’s have only just stopped bleeding from the last time I came to see you play.
...I’ve promised the wife I’ll catalogue the Star Trek videos tonight.
...I’m sorry, who are you?
...Someone’s offered me a shed load of money to be somewhere else, so I can’t come.
...if only you’d phoned me last night!! I’ve just arranged to go and watch a good band...
...I’m plucking my nasal hair tonight.
...Eastenders is on and it’s the wedding.
...The dog’s just eaten my car keys.
...I hate you, you bastard.
...My grandmother’s died again... (some friends have been known to have over 50 grandparents, all of whom died suddenly, under mysterious circumstances)
...Errr... Fuck off, you tosser.
...I’m watching my teeth grow tonight.
...I’m having the washing machine replumbed.
...I’d rather push my genitals through a bacon slicer.
...I’m taking the kids to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
...At the third beep it will be exactly 6:15 and 30 seconds.
...I’m having my groin waxed instead.
...I’m vacuuming the cat tonight.
...Look, I told you never to phone me again after what you tried to do to me, you pervert...
...Errr..... Hello, Samaritans, can I help you?
...It’s a full moon tonight and I have this embarrassing personal hair problem.
...The budgie’s just given birth.
...It’s my turn to change Auntie Betty’s incontinence pads.
...The house burned down today and all that’s left is the telephone.
...I’m having sex with Kylie Minogue.
...My ear’s have only just stopped bleeding from the last time I came to see you play.
...I’ve promised the wife I’ll catalogue the Star Trek videos tonight.
...I’m sorry, who are you?
...Someone’s offered me a shed load of money to be somewhere else, so I can’t come.
